Phaedra
by Lost-Girl89
Summary: Basically my own delusional world, a touch morbid, rated T for mentions of rape, maybe some flashbacks. First 3 chapters, in one go. Please be kind!


**Prologue**

It's difficult to think about what happens after you graduate. You make the biggest decisions of your life; do you continue on and learn more, or do settle down and start the family you've dreamed of since you were five? And what about the friends you left behind when you moved away, to go to some prestigious school halfway across the country; do you just forget them? Would you recognize them if you were to meet them on one of your rare trips home, to see the family that you left behind? Do you ever wonder what they've become, if they're happy with the path they have chosen; because I do.

Everyday I sit here and wonder what job he finally ended up with, or how many kids she's had. Questions I wish I could answer, but I can't, because I had to leave everyone and everything behind. I had to leave because I was haunted by the past and could find no other remedy besides running; so I did.

I ran halfway across the world to escape the ghosts of the past, settled in a small town, and attempted to live a normal life. I enrolled in a local university, and studied the arts for four years; I learned to paint without the use of magic, and I can play a tune or two on the piano, no enchantments required; just the music, the keys and myself.

I found a job at a nearby bookstore that satisfied my lust for books quite splendidly, and paid for my flat (called an apartment by the locals though). Everything was wonderful, I had all but forgotten the friends I had left behind, and made some new ones at school. I thought I was safe, that I had left all the evil behind me, I had never been so wrong in my life.

I had told my boss that I would close up the shop for her, as she had a family emergency to attend to. At about 7 'o clock I turned out the lights, flipped the open sign to closed, and locked the door. It was a fall evening so the sun had nearly set and it was that time between day and night, beautiful and frightening all at once. How was it frightening you ask? Well, the darkness did not help me to see the man hiding in the shadows of the alley next to my flat. I never found out who he was, all I know is that he was much larger and much stronger than I could ever hope to be; as a result I found out yesterday that I am to have a daughter in six months time.

Given the current circumstances, I've decided to go home. I miss my parents and my friends, I just hope against hope that they haven't forgotten me. As much as I loathe admitting it, I am in dire need of their love and understanding.

**Chapter 1- The Letter from Home**

"Hermione, when did you say you were leaving, dear," Julie asked. Julie Murry was the owner of the Bednobs and Broomsticks, the bookstore and cafe that Hermione worked at.

"My plane leaves at 10 'o clock tomorrow morning," Hermione replied, as she turned from her packing. She was still small and petite, standing only 5'4", and although any mother could take one look at her and say she was pregnant, she had just the slightest bump on her other wise flat stomach. Her hair was tamer than it had been in her Hogwarts days; she had let it grow out so that it fell in soft curls to her waist. Anyone who knew her before she left would have no trouble recognizing her.

"Alright, it just makes me sad to think that you'll be out there all alone; all the way across the ocean, back to who knows what. Do promise to write me won't you? I want a full report on that baby, and a very peaceful friend next time I see you. 'Friend' doesn't really do you justice, you're more like the daughter I never had." Her eyes began to glisten when she said that.

"Oh, Jules, don't worry about me, I promise I will write as soon as I get there, and I'll send you pictures from my checkups, okay? As for coming back peaceful that will all depend on my friends and family. Thank you, for everything, you've become my second mother and there isn't enough time to tell you how grateful I am for it all." Hermione hugged Julie tightly, while trying not to cry herself. "I do need to get some sleep though, I'll have to be up early tomorrow, and before you ask, yes I will come by before I leave."

"Right, good, I'll hold you to that, young missy. You had better come say good bye or I will come find you, and we both know that would not be so pretty." She hugged Hermione once more, smiled and walked out of the flat.

Hermione finished her packing in record time, considering her none use of magic. She ate a little bit of the leftovers, then changed and crawled into bed. Rubbing her belly she murmured a good night to her daughter as she drifted off.

The next morning Hermione awoke to a light tapping on her bedroom window.

"What on earth," she asked as she climbed out of bed. She opened her curtains to find a white snowy owl pecking away at the glass.

"Hedwig," utterly bewildered she let the bird in. "What, how did you find me? Oh, stupid question, you always find who you need to, don't you? I suppose it's better to ask why you haven't been here sooner," she finished her rant as she untied the roll of parchment from Hedwig's leg. "Let's see here, shall we?"

_Dear 'Mione,_

_I know you are probably wondering why you are just now getting a letter from us after all these years. The answer is simple, we could not find you. So if you're reading this that means that Hedwig has performed a miracle and done what we could not; find you! It's been nearly six years since you left and every one of them I have spent searching for my best friend. Up until two years ago Ron helped me look, but he's gotten married, to Luna of all people. Hermione, Ron wanted you there, he sent you multiple invitations, but he gave up when all ten of them came back. Even then I kept looking, hoping that somehow I would find you, because it just isn't the same without you here, reprimanding us for breaking the rules, nagging at us to not wait until the last minute to do something, and mostly I miss being able to talk with you. You may not realize it, but our walks around the lake, the nights sitting in front of the common room fire, just talking, were what kept me thinking that I could do what I had to, because I knew you would be there to help me through it afterward. But you left, and I don't really understand why. If I could get that one answer I would never look for you again if that were what you wanted. _

_If you ever come home, you can find me at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur live in France at the moment, they have three children and number four is on the way. I do believe Charlie will be a bachelor all his life; he's still off with the dragons, in China now I believe. Fred and George are too busy with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes to really bother with women. As I said Ron and Luna have been married for two years now, they have one son, and we're guessing babies two and three on the way, but they haven't said anything yet. That leaves Ginny, she's flying solo right now, and she's recently gotten her Mediwitch license, so she's in the process of setting up a practice._

_As for me, when I haven't been looking for you, I've been kicking what's left of the Death Eaters out of existence. I'm an Auror like I planned, and Tonks is my partner; you can imagine the fun in that. By the way, she and Remus got married not too long after we graduated, and as hard as it was to convince him that he wasn't totally wrong for her, they just had their second girl a few months ago. _

_I guess what I'm trying to say is that we've missed a lot in each others lives, and I for one do not want to miss anymore. What have you been doing for the last six years? Have you found someone that made you forget about us? Where are you and why did you leave?_

_Love always,_

_Harry_

When Hermione finished reading the letter she had tears streaming down her face. She grabbed a pen off her desk and wrote one word on the bottom of the paper, "SOON."

"Hedwig? Here you go, girl, tell Harry to cheer up, can you do that for me?" She tied the letter back onto the owls' leg and sent her back out the window after receiving an affectionate nip on the ear. Wiping away her tears, she got dressed and ate her breakfast. When she was finished she called the cab that would take her to the airport, but not before stopping at Julie's.

"Jules don't cry I'll write to you, I promise. It'll be almost like I never left, okay?" Hermione hugged Julie one last time, before waving good-bye and heading back to the cab. Hermione sat in silence the rest of the way to the airport, thinking about what it would be like once she got home and everyone found out what had happened to her.

**Chapter 2- Homecoming**

The airplane ride went smoothly and she landed safely at the main airport in London. She found all her luggage and hailed a taxicab.

"410 Warwick Way, please," she said as she settled in to the back seat of the car.

"Right-o, miss," said the driver and proceeded to Warwick Way. "Right, 410, miss, here you are."

Hermione paid him, gathered her luggage, and took a deep breath as he drove away. "Well, this is it I guess, come on feet," she muttered as she walked slowly up to the light blue door; knocking she held her breath.

"Just a moment," came a female voice. As the door opened the woman asked, "How can I help..." the woman's' eyes grew wide. "Hermione!"

Hermione smiled, "Hi mum."

"Oh my, you're home!" She reached out and hugged her daughter as tight as she could, tears in her eyes. "Come in, come in, where have you been? What have you been doing? How are you?" They sat on the couch.

"Mum, calm down one question at a time. First off I've been in the states; I went to university, got a job and made some friends. As for how I am, I'd rather wait for daddy, to explain it to the both of you," she sat back, and crossed her hands over her stomach. "Some of it is happy, but some parts are just as sad," she said while picking at the hem of her shirt.

"Your father will be home soon, dear, he had a few things left to finish at the office, today," her mother looked worried at Hermione's sudden distress.

"Janie," came a voice from the entryway.

"In the family room, Scott," Mrs. Granger replied.

He walked into the room and stopped mid-step, "'Mione," he whispered in disbelief.

Hermione stood up from the couch, "Yeah daddy, it's me," she hugged her father with all her might. "You may want to sit down; I have some things to tell you."

She sat in the chair across from them and told them all about her four years at the university, her job, and Julie. "Everything was great. Jules was like my second mother, I don't think I would have made it through everything without her. She spent almost a whole week with me in the hospital, after," here she started to cry. "After I... was raped."

Hermione broke down completely; her mother gasped and ran to comfort her, while her father fumed. "Who was it, was he punished," her father demanded. Hermione shook her head.

"I haven't found out, and I don't think I want to," she calmed down enough to say. "I found out a few days ago...that I'm pregnant, and I don't think I could bare it if I knew who her father was after what he did to me. It's not her fault, she did nothing wrong. So don't even ask about terminating."

"Oh, sweetheart, no I wasn't even thinking it. I'm so sorry, we'll help you through this, and you know that. Scott, are you alright," Jane asked.

"Do you really think I'm alright? My baby girl just told me that some bastard hurt her in the worst way imaginable, leaving her to go through hell! How can I be alright with this, I know the child is innocent, but any feature that isn't yours will be his and remind you of him everyday of your life, are you sure you can handle that? Of course we'll be here for you, but being a single parent won't be easy." He got up and knelt in front of his wife and daughter, took Hermione's hands and made her look him in the eye. "I love you, and I will support you whatever decision you make, but please consider what I've said, I only want what's best for you." He hugged them both.

"Thank you daddy. I love you, too, but even if she looks nothing like me, I will find something positive, and love her as much as I can, and teach her the difference between good and evil," Hermione dried her tears and stood. "I, um I have some other people expecting me sometime soon. I'll be home when I can. I think if I were to wait any longer they would go mad. I love you guys, I'll see you later." With that she disapparated, reappearing in front of a very familiar door. Again she knocked on the door, holding her breath, as the door opened and she saw the dark, messy hair of her best friend, she smiled. "Hello Harry."

**Chapter 3- Long Time Gone**

"Hello Harry." He couldn't believe his eyes, standing there right in front of him, was his best friend, the one person he could tell everything to.

"Hermione, is it, it's really you," he stuttered. "Oh Merlin, I've missed you!"

He pulled her into his arms, picked her up and spun her around. When he set her down he kissed her forehead. "Don't ever leave like that again!"

"I'm sorry, Harry, I just couldn't stay, not after everything that happened. I know you think I'm stronger than that, but I needed to get away from it all for a while, sort out my mind. I just took six years to do it. It may have taken longer if certain things wouldn't have happened," she went to the table, sat down, and conjured herself a cup of tea.

"What certain things, 'Mione," asked Harry as he sat down across from her.

"I'm pregnant, Harry; by some man I don't even know; I never even saw his face," Hermione looked down at her lap. "All I do know is I wasn't strong enough, and that I'm going to be a mother in a little less than six months."

"'Mione, why didn't you come home sooner," Harry asked as he wrapped his arms around her again. "What are you going to do?"

From her spot against his neck, she answered, "I'm going to have the baby, that's really the only solution that I can live with. I just, I don't know how to be a mother, Harry, and a child shouldn't have to grow up with only one parent. I hate the man so much for what he did to me, but I already love my daughter, I could never give her up for adoption, or worse get rid of her before she's even born. I just feel so lost, right now."

"It's alright, love, I don't know about the others, but I'll be here for you day and night. If you ever need me, for any reason at all, I'll be right here, all you need to do is call. Alright," he asked.

"Thank you, Harry. You have no idea what that means to me," she said as she buried her head further into his shoulder.

Harry pulled away, and held her at arms length, "What have you been doing all this time? Why didn't you ever write to us?"

"I went to university in the states; I've found that painting can be very relaxing. I got a job at a bookstore, and that's really about it. I just needed the time to think, it was very helpful to me. Now all I can do is wait and hope nothing bad happens."

"Nothing bad will happen to you, I can promise you that, I won't let. I just got you back I won't lose you again, you understand me? Not again!"

"I don't plan on going anywhere for quite a while, Harry, believe me. I just want to stay here where it's safe, with you...a.and all my friends." The last part she added almost as an afterthought. "Speaking of which, where is everyone?"

"Work, except for Molly, she's gone to London for the day. I expect everyone will be home around dinner, a few hours from now, so want do you want to do until then," he looked hopeful as he said it.

"Oh, a nap sounds wonderful, I've got jet lag from the flight I think, and not to mention I'm kind of hungry," she rubbed her stomach at the thought. "It wouldn't be too much to get a sandwich do you think?"

"Of course not, there is never a shortage of food in this house, you know that. And you can use my room if you like, for your nap. I'm in Ron's old room," Harry said as he walked to the cooler. He pulled out the fixings for Hermione's favorite sandwich, cheddar and roast beef. "Here you go," he said handing her the sandwich.

"Thank you, Harry. Oh, you remembered my favorite, what would I do without you," she asked as she took a bite.

"Go hungry," Harry suggested with that oh, so adorable smirk on his face.

Yawning, she replied, "You know, I think I just might, as I recall you're quite the cook, Mr. Potter."

Taking her empty plate he answered, " Perhaps, but why don't you go upstairs and take your nap, maybe I'll make you dinner one these days, and we'll put that theory of yours to the test, okay, Ms. Granger?"

Getting up from the table she stretched, and nodded, yawning in the process. "Alright, I'll hold you to it, but for now, I really do need my nap."

Harry followed her up the stairs to his room, "Do you need anything, 'Mione," he asked her as she crawled into the bed.

"Could you... no you'll think it's dumb," she scolded herself for even thinking it.

"What is it, love; nothing about you could possibly be dumb."

Sighing she looked into Harry's eyes, "would you stay with me, until I fall asleep, at least, please," she pleaded with him.

"Of course," he made to pull up the desk chair, but she held out her arm.

"C.. you hold me? I feel safe with you, and I haven't felt safe in a very long time," she looked like a girl who just lost her prized balloon at the fair.

Seeing that, Harry nodded and climbed on top of the covers. He held out his arms to her, and she gladly accepted the warmth and security his embrace offered her. "Thank you, Harry," she mumbled as she drifted off. Harry kissed the top of her head, and ran his fingers through her hair, replying, "I'd do anything for you, 'Mione."


End file.
